well, got back out of bed to post this before i forget where in the mists of my convoluted mind, i leave these thoughts behind.

no regrets, no, i really don’t think i have to many, if any at all.  i will never regret the loves of my live, my four wonderful sons.  or the happiness each of their partners, adds to this family, now so very large.  the wonderful grandchildren.  what more can i say?  regret?  what would i have to regret.  i am warm tonight despite temps of 6 degrees.  i am not hungry.  i have power.  electric, and mental.  i have good companions, wonderful animals, many many books, and what is left of my garden.

how can anyone have regrets?  we are so very lucky. so very blessed.  i am going though a heartbreaking divorce, for the second time in my life.  i am having severe financial problems, my legs are gone, knees are 90, have had nothing to smile about in so long, i have to invent good things in my mind to keep on going.  regrets?  no, i believe everything happens to us in the universe for some significant reason, and we are not always able to see the reason.  someday, i will.  someday, i hope you will too.  then, perhaps i can remember and smile, and not remember and cry.  there is a plan, somewhere, for each and everyone of us.  just finding the key to reading your plan.  that is the key to the universe.  self understanding, self awareness, and self respect.  i pray i am never self righteous.  being perfect has so many draw backs.  i stay away from any semblance of understanding what i am trying to impart to you.  who ever you are.  i am grateful for life, and all of the challenges it has given me.  merry Christmas, Diana

the question i was asked today was, does it get any easier?  well, yes, it does.  with time, everything which we think we will never survive, live through, does get easier.  just the general perspective on life seems to mellow with time.  injustice should make each and everyone of us sit up and react. 

when we allow things which we know are wrong to continue, our silence or inaction is in itself approval.  it is not that hard to do what is right.  as a matter of fact, once you choose the right path, everything will get easier.  so, yes, there is hope.  there will always be hope.  somewhere, someone is out there in our universe who has the hope that we all keep going, for the sake of this planet.  merry Christmas.  Diana

after seeing Nancy grace tonight, i really just wanted to sit and cry.  the whole wide world is witnessing this tragedy unfold on television every night.

how could a mother, ever take her child’s life.  how could any human being on the planet?  the questioning of these people have been all wrong from the start.  when someone lies to the police, you don’t see them getting away with it.  when the cop asked her why she lied about her job, he never pressed her but one time.  if some, or any pressure had been exhibited from the beginning, the child would have not been laying in that field, just feet away from someone finding her.  each question, the police only asked once.  check the transcripts on CNN  i have, there is no usual repetitive questions, until the perpetrator breaks. 

how much money can this out of work criminal have to afford the defense team she has.  i don’t want to hear pro bono.  where are you guys when someone really deserving of your expertise?????????  is degrading depraved behavior of all this attention?  where is the concern for the downtrodden people in this country who could really use you?  where in gods name is everyones personal morality at? 

I can’t think of anyone i have ever known, just take off from their jobs like the grandfather and grandmother have.  who in the world is paying the electric?  god forbid, if i returned to the situation these people have, i would have been devastated or course, but put out of my home, i would have been staying with family, or in the park.  again, where is all this money coming from?

one thing, woman to many women, and men, we all know the difference between good makeup, and great makeup, and really great makeup.  look and all earlier feeds with these people, and notice the makeup changes .  the young anchor there, has bloomed with her self confidence as this has unfolded.  the other people, and bloomed as well.  how does George maintain that healthy tan?  he sure hasn’t been outside much this summer.

last thought,,,,,,, why did the family wait so long to actually begin to check out these leads.  the stupid conversation between the family, where they talk about all of them being under watch by mysterious kidnappers, (nearby,) remember; how did these people ever get in contact with them?  phone, i highly doubt it.  mail, again the FBI has been here all along.  just blending in as always.   how did they contact them?  how?  are all of these people come from mars?  did they forget to read their human information?  when do you get on your knees, scream stop   stop   stop   and take me to cay lee?  what kind of idiots is all of this?  i am a mere housewife, and grandmother, and i would have beaten it out of her if i had to.  how can this family never once question where this little girl was everyday?  who was the nanny?  what job?? my children live around the globe, and i know all of this and much more. 

i began this journey six months ago, to see if love really exists on net dating services.  the best one, which seemed consistent to me was Harmony.  perfect match, senior dating, passions network, match doctor, and fishing, were several i tried. 

the replies from most of the web sites, looking for men 57 to 87, were promptly answered by the member i was interested in.  however, after just three or four posts, these “compatible” men were asking explicit sexual questions.  if someone wanted to experiment with anal sex, or three somes,, or several other things i was asked, you would think they would have tried it by now.  if not, why in the world would you now?  why would anyone do anything sexual just to please the other partner.  where are the boundaries we are supposed to set up for our selves, and others?  does the disease aids, have any revelance to adult seniors? 

it amazes me, what people really mean when they specify they are looking for a life partner.  no more for today.  i will publish detailed findings tomorrow.  walk in beauty,             Diana